Tuesday, 24 June 2014 10:03

I fought the law and the law won

I like loopholes. Sometimes they get you out of trouble and sometimes they are in integral part of the shoe tying process. I am no stranger to moving violations and have at times relied upon the long, proud history and tradition of  being able to make tickets go away in St. Louis. Of course it happened again, but this time it just made me mad - and a bit poorer.

St. Louis drivers are awful. I am one of them. Agressive, impatient, rude and on the phone. Yep, that's me. I need to be where I want to be now, so please get the f*ck out of my way. 

To my credit (and luck) I have never been in a major collission while driving. I am much better at hitting things that are parked or stationary. I did slide on the ice once on Kingshighway in the 80's in my shitty Nissan Sentra and rear-ended some lady. A few summers ago my trusty Honda Civic was itself rear-ended when the driver behind me bent over to pick up his lit cigar from the floor of the passenger side of his car. Other than that, nobody was harmed or killed by me due to my questionable driving skills.

I had an epiphany recently that has caused me to work very hard each and every day to literally slow my roll. Part of it was surviving cancer, which made me realize that I did in fact not want to die. The main reason though was the unintentional advice I received from Neil Degrasse Tyson and "Cosmos."

You have been warned. I have been on high alert while driving for weeks now and it ain't pretty out there. Spring may have sprung, but this is not free license for bungholery while behind the wheel of a car. A whole new crop of deliberately oblivious drivers are out there amongst us talking on their &%*^)(@ phones, texting on their &%*^)(@ phones, and generally doing whatever the hell they want. I officially declare war on the lot of them, to be followed by an informative and cathartic safety dance.