Sunday, 06 April 2014 14:18


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I always promised myself that when I got older I would appreciate the way younger people do things differently.  We all tried to be “different” when we were young and our parents just whined on about it.  I don’t want to be a whiner.  Kids don’t want to actually “talk” on a phone?  Okay, fine, I can text misspelled words like the best of them.

I made a living talking. I talked on the radio, I talked on comedy club stages, and I talked into studio microphones for a living.  And I have to admit, I didn’t see this coming - this world of texts, tweets and monosyllabic grunts.  But I’m fine with it.

When I see my son in the morning, it’s “Hey.”  Then off to school.  With one word he tells me life is good and everything’s cool.  Sometimes I’ll throw out a few sentences to remind him I’m old and he’ll kindly respond, “Heh,” just to let me know he respects my age.  At least we’re talking.

If your kids are this way, don’t flatter yourself thinking it’s just you they grunt at; they don’t talk to each other, as well.  My son can sit in his room for hours with his best buddies and not say anything.  On a really “active” night you’ll hear them shout out “Oh!” in unison as they play a video game together.  I’m no behavioral scientist, but I suspect those video games are at the root of this.  Twitter is just a bi-product.

Remember how you would ask a friend to the prom?  Here’s a somewhat spot-on replication of how I asked a girl to the prom in 1967.  I’m guessing you will easily identify with it:

“Hey, the prom is in two weeks and ... huh? Oh, wow, it’s in three days?  Three days.  Wow. Anyway, are you going? I mean, do you want to go?  With me.  Do you want to go to the prom with me?  We don’t have to go together... you know... we can meet there.  Whatever.  You will? So, should we just meet there... “

Okay, here’s how a guy asks a girl to the prom today (or vice-versa, girl asks a guy, by the way):


The photo here is real.  That’s my son asking his girlfriend, Maddie, to the prom.  I hope she says yes. She talks in full sentences.